Massage Man

A friend of mine gave me a free massage for the local massage school. I was pretty pumped to fully take advantage of this, so he went ahead and made me an appointment. I got to my appointment and headed into the massage room. The masseuse told me to strip down into what I was most comfortable, so as always I took off all my clothes other than my underwear. The massage went pretty well, you could tell the masseuse was still learning but overall it was a good experience. When I came out of the room, the masseuse went outside and the instructor asked me if I could fill out a survey about my experience the use for the students. As I proceeded to complete the survey I went to write "She did a great job!" When I suddenly realized that I wasn't sure if it was a guy or girl. She had a short hair cut, but I just assumed she was a more masculine woman than a more feminine man. I was find with either, I just wasn't sure. So I asked the instructor, "what was the student's name again?", the instructor responded "Ty". Well crap..that could be a guy are a girl. So I crossed out she and wrote, "They did a great job!" Just to be safe...when I gave the instructor the paperwork back, he asked me, "So how did HE do?" That solved the mystery. Apparently the whole time that I thought a woman was working on me, it was a man. And I was buck naked the whole time. Moral of the story: make sure to ask for a man or woman when booking a massage if you have a preference.
Song of the day: Life Happens by Brandon and Leah

The St. Paddy Selfie

It was the weekend before St. Paddy's day, so obviously the only thing to do was head out downtown to celebrate in the festivities. Naturally, we started at 10 a.m. Because that's always a good idea. We were at the local Irish pub that is a must on St. Paddy's day and we met this guy named Nick. Nick referred to himself as "bad ass Nick." Nick seemed like a fun guy to hang out with, not really my type, but more of a he'd be a fun person to call up to go have a drink with. Apparently, after asking for my number, Nick's idea of a good time with me involved receiving a selfie. Instead of writing out a whole story of what happened between me and Nick, I am just going to write out the text message conversation that ensued on the days following our exchange of numbers:
Saturday, March 15th (after my friend and I had left the bar Nick was at)
2:50 p.m.
Nick: Where u at?
Me: Headed to Fast Eddies
Nick: Without me? You are Cute.
4:50 p.m.
Nick: Where u at
Me: Revolver
Nick: K I will try to come up there....I want u
5:50 p.m.
Nick: Where u at
Me: Revolver!!!!
Nick: I'm drunk. U still out partyn.
11:50 p.m.
Nick: Hey Sexy Shorty
The following few days after that there was a little small talk between he and I, nothing too exciting, basically the usual "did you make it home last night?" "What are you up to today?" "How was the rest of your weekend" Completely harmless back and forth, until a few days later...
Sunday, March 23rd
*Small talk about college basketball and my love for the Zags and apparently his lack of love for the Zags.. (should have been my first red flag)*
Nick: What are you up to
Me: Having lunch with some friends
Nick: Nice! Have fune and don't talk about me the entire time lol. Let me know when you get ready to leave so I can place my to go order with ya ;)
Me (trying to amuse him): Haha sure no problem
Nick: I knew I liked you :) now stop texting me and have fun w/your friends. Oh if u snap a quick selfie feel free to let me see.
This is when SH*T got weird. Really?!? Snap a quick selfie???
We then began texting about the Zags game that was on tv and he asked if I wanted to make a bet...so naturally I told him we could bet a high five...
5:15 p.m.
Nick: Is my food getting cold? LOL
me: Umm...about that..
Nick: Wow! Talk about a let down...and I didn't get a pic!....
Nick: Hope you know I was just playin
*I never responded...it was getting too weird.*
Monday, March 24th
1:45 p.m.
Nick: I believe someone lost her bet
Me: ya ya ya
Nick: Gonna have to collect. How about a pic of u giving me an air high five lol.
*STOP ASKING ME FOR PICS CREEPER*
9:00 p.m.
Nick: Guess I'm going to collect my winnings another day lol.
*At this point I am completely creeped out and no longer going to speak to this guy, yet he somehow still did not get the hint*
Wednesday, April 2nd
Nick: Hey stranger
Wednesday, April 9th
Nick: Hi
Then he finally stopped. Note to all men out there: DO NOT ask a girl for a selfie the day after meeting her. It's creepy.
Song of the day: "Follow Your Arrow" by Kacey Musgraves because I just love her..and her songs.

Good Vibrations

A few months ago I went on a little mini-vacay to California. In the interest of packing lightly, I brought a carry-on suitcase and put it on the ala carte cart as I went on the plane. I was all buckled in and ready to go when my name was called over the intercom to come to the front of the plane. As I passed all the other passengers very impatiently waiting to take off, I noticed the stewardess was holding my carry-on suitcase and looked very annoyed. She asked me if that was my suitcase and then said very loudly (at least I thought) "Something is vibrating in here and you need to turn it off!!" I tried to play it cool, and said (loud enough so the people annoyingly watching me could hear) "Oh! That's just my toothbrush!! It's an electronic one!" Just in case they were wondering what exactly was vibrating in my suitcase..
That was kind of embarrassing. And it really was my toothbrush.
Song of the Day: "Hold On, We're Going Home" by, Drake

The Chase.

So there's this guy. This guy that I always seem to have random make out sessions after a night of drinking. This has been going on for years, sadly. And I've been really proud of myself for keeping my distance and avoiding that situation lately. That was until this last weekend...when my dear friend Shar thought it'd be a good idea to pour shots of Fireball. After one too many shots and a late night jump in the pool, I thought it was a great idea to start messing around with him in the bedroom.

After a while Shar decided she needed to stop the hot mess that was me..and started banging on the door yelling, "Melissa, you got a text message!!" it was 2 am at this point and I yelled at her, "I DONT CARE". I should also note that Shar too had about 5 shots of fireball and weights approx. 107 pounds. I then heard her playing with the door knob and freaked out pushing this guy, who then landed on the floor between the bed and wall, and unable to move. I laughed hysterically..because that's what I do. A few minutes later my phone started ringing outside the door. At this point I thought maybe something was going on and I should answer my phone, so I go grab my phone and see I have a text message and missed called from Shar herself. The text message read, "Don't do it. Chase. Remember they need a chase."

I decided to follow her advice and continue my reign as "the queen of blue balls"

I love my friends.


Song of the day: Hot Mess by, Cobra Starship...because that was just one hot mess of a night.

Big Sister.

I love my sister. Sometimes she can be bossy and overprotective, but I know it's all in love. A few weeks ago my sister and I and some friends and family made a nice little beach vacation weekend getaway. After a little too much wine and tequila tasting, we decided to hit up the local bar.

We found a table to sit at next to some guys that looked like pretty decent guys from a far....they proceeded to small talk with us and eventually one of the guys asked me to dance..I should probably note at this time that he was on crutches and may or may not have been missing a tooth or two...at any rate, I humored him with a dance and sat back down. A little later in the night, he asked me if I wanted to make out, I kindly giggled and said no thanks...but apparently he took this as yes, please, shove your tongue down my throat...and this is exactly what he proceeded to do. I tried to play it off and kind of laugh and push him away, but apparently he didn't get the point.

At this point my sister could see what was going on and yelled at the guy, "DUDE, SHE SAID NO. LEAVE HER ALONE!"

He immediately pulled away from me and got up and left, his friend he was there with then came up to my sister and made the comment, "you don't want to know what is going to happen next"...my sister then noticed a nice little tat on the guys neck with a line that read "cut here". That was about the time she decided it was time to go and grabbed us girls to leave.

Thank God for big sisters.


Song of the day: Pour Some Sugar on Me by, Def Leppard..because I'm pretty sure the band played that song last night.

Social Media

So here's the thing...I feel like social media may be ruining my life. I am a social media junkie. I love Twitter, Facebook, instagram...the list can go on. And after this past weekend, I also think it may be ruining my love life as well.

A friend of mine wanted me to meet a friend of hers...we met up one time, where he proceeded to get ridiculously trashed and ended up puking on my friends floor, then proceeded to sleep in said puke. To say the least, it was a bad first impression. But we became friends on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram..yada yada yada. I hadn't really heard much from him in the months following our encounter other than the occasional Facebook comment or tweet...that was until this past weekend.

This past weekend I received a private Facebook message saying: "So we def know how to social network...let's see if we can text???? xxx-xxx-xxxx ;)"

No. How about we don't. Is what I really wanted to respond with, but being the nice sucker that I am, and not wanting to hurt my friend's feelings, I decided to text him to say hello. When I asked him what he was up to his response was, "At the lake. LTD. pretty much SOP."

Now, I would like to think I'm pretty savvy at my tweet game, but I have no clue what these acronyms mean...after research I discovered LTD was living the dream, but still not quite sure what SOP means...standard operating procedure?!?

I responded to him with "SOP?!?" and never received a response....guess he's just not that into me.

And that my friends, is how social media is ruining my life....and if you know what SOP stands for please let me know, it is driving me crazy!


Song of the Day: How We Do By, Rita Ora. Its catchy.

Snack Time..

A while back I went out with some friends to celebrate a birthday. We went to a local sports bar and some of my friends were playing pool, when a guy came by and asked if he could join. But first we need to rewind real quick, my friend Shar is determined to find me a man. I know she’s coming from the best place ever and has the best intentions, but I’m convinced she has relationship amnesia (please refer to this article for an explanation: http://hellogiggles.com/married-friends-and-guys-who-like-their-mom). I think she just really wants to have another couple friend to do couple things with, and I am totally dropping the ball on that one. Anyways, fast-forward to the bar. Shar’s husband is playing pool with this guy, we’ll call him Jim. Shar comes up to me and is convinced Jim is the man for me…I tell her not to embarrass me and knock it off, cause that’s what best friends do. So Shar decides to play it sly and have her husband get his number, because Jim seems like a loner that doesn’t have many friends, oh and he went to WSU, which in Shar’s book automatically makes him dateable :) Also, Jim was at the bar by himself, he claims he was supposed to meet some friends there and they ended up ditching him, but I’m still skeptical about that story…Anyways, I end up playing pool with Jim and he seemed nice enough, not a love connection, but a nice guy. We say our goodbyes and go close our tabs and Jim creepily sits at the table behind us watching..keep in mind the bar is closing, everyone has cleared out, and he has already closed his tab. He then follows us outside and goes to his car and leaves. Phew.

So we decide to stop at Jack and the Box, because two tacos at 2 am always sounds like a good idea when you’ve been drinking, and Shar’s husband gets a text from Jim. The text says, “Hey. I don’t remember your friends name but can you tell her to call me sometime.” Ummm. No. A. you don’t even remember my name. and B. I do not call guys, if he really wanted to talk to me he should have gotten my number. So Shar’s husband says, she’s not gonna call you, here’s her number. Shortly after I get a text message from Jim that says, “Hi. I don’t remember your name but it was nice meeting you.” I politely told him my name and said it was nice meeting him as well. He then responded with “Would you like to go out and get a drink sometime” So I said sure. To which he responded, “Sure? That doesn’t strike much confidence. It’s cool if you don’t want to go. You can say no.” What I really wanted to respond with was, “REALLY?!?! WTF do you want from me, I don’t even know you.” But I didn’t…and then he said “Ok, I was playing around, you already said sure, so you can't say no now :)” I had no words to respond to this so I decided to go to bed and not respond until the morning.

The next day was Superbowl Sunday, I went to a superbowl party and was on my way home around 9 o’clock when he asked me if it’s too late to meet up for a drink. It’s Sunday night and 9 o’clock, yes, it's too late. Who goes out for drinks on a Sunday night? Are bars even open on Sunday nights? I nicely responded with yes, it was late, I had work in the morning, and I was just leaving a party. To which he responded with ya, me too, just thought I’d ask.

The following week he asked me to meet up with him for drinks and appetizers over the weekend; I told him I was going to be out of town. Later I found out he hung out with my friend Shar over the weekend and was questioning whether or not I was really out of town….I don’t know you. I’m not a liar. Don’t make assumptions.

So the following week, he asked me if I wanted to go get a drink and a snack on Thursday night. A snack? What is a snack? I was confused. The smart ass in me wanted to say let me check with my mom and make sure it doesn’t fall into my nap time..but I refrained and kindly said sure, what time and place? His response was 8 o’clock at the local bar. 8 o’clock?!? During the week?? For a snack?!? I’m getting too old for this. Plus, doesn’t he know that you’re not supposed to eat 3 hours before you go to bed?!? This was totally ruining my diet. But I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt…plus it’d make for a good blog story eventually I was sure. So I go and meet up with him, and the conversation was fine, again he was a nice guy, just not a whole lot of sparks flying….then he started asking me about my siblings, and if they are married. So I told him that my brother is divorced. So naturally, he asks me how my parents felt about that…I told him I don’t think any parents want to see their child get divorced but it was probably for the best…why were we having this conversation? Then, all the sudden, it all made perfect sense, he got really quiet and red and said I have to tell you something, I’m recently divorced and have 3 kids. It totally clicked, this is why he said snack, he is in kid mode..at least there was an explanation for that. I kindly asked him about his kids and made a mental note to text Shar immediately….I then found out that he works the graveyard shift and would be going to work in a few hours..as he drank about 3 beers. The HR person in me really wanted to lecture him, but I refrained.

A week or two later he invited me to go to the movies, but I was out of town (really..I was). A week later I ran into him at a bar and he told me, “my friends told me I should just give up on you.” I didn’t respond. I didn’t want to be rude, and I had no clue how to respond to that.

Morale of the story: If a guys asks you out for a snack, he is probably recently divorced with 3 children. Also, when you know you know. Don’t waste your time going on dates with people you really have no interest in, it’s a waste of time.

I recently read this post on hellogiggles.com and I can totally relate to it, and today’s post kind of fits with it perfectly, I referred to it earlier as well..enjoy! http://hellogiggles.com/married-friends-and-guys-who-like-their-mom

Song of the Day: The Fighter Feat. Ryan Tedder by Gym Class Heroes (Papercut Chronicles II is one of my favorite albums..so great!)